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I’m in a goddamn bad mood today — don’t ask — and not interested in coddling your little “I’m bored” motherfuckin asses. That’s why I’m running some shit to mirror my mood. Check it out assholes, it’s time for
The Daily Punk
(July 29, 2008 Edition)
1. Fucking Belding
Goddamn Belding. Bad enough he assisted in A.C. Slater’s plan to bone the entire population of hotties in Los Angeles, now he’s apparently decided to finish off the rest. Leave some ladies for the mortals Belding, you son of a bitch.
2. Senator Stevens Indicted
Naturally. Even more naturally, Fox News labels him a — wait for it — Democrat. ARGHGGHG.
Nice editorial standards, he’s only the longest tenured Senator, that’s all.
3. Can We Stop Calling Crap Like This “Creative Accounting”?
Yesterday, the White House said the deficit will balloon to $490 billion next year. Oops, turns out that number was wrong. The Bush Administration “bean counters” “fergot” to turn in a couple a receipts. Lessee here, looks like we got a bill from the unemployment office. What’s this, an invoice from Medicare? Shoot! Oh and maybe we should have totaled in the cost of the War.
The worst part about this is the euphemism employed by ABCNews. They call it “creative accounting.” Creative accounting is when your Uncle manages to deduct the cost of his Playboy subscription as a “motivational business expense.” Leaving out $110 billion of expenses isn’t creative accounting, it’s:
a. A Lie. Or
b. “Shitty Accounting.”
Of course shitty accounting is par for the course from this Presidency.
The Sultan of the Party of Personal Responsibility — ever indignant — blames the Democrats. Yup, they did it! Which is asinine since the Democrats have only been in control of Congress for about 14 months. They work quick, them liberals do. The Democrats weren’t the ones who cut taxes of course. Heck no! Democrats love taxes. And, of course, the GOP is the one who started this six year War. Them pussies? Course not! And, small government or not, Bush is responsible for increasing the bulk of the bureaucracy. Snooping don’t happen on its own ya’ dummy. But, you know, it’s the Democrats fault. Yup.
Question for the laity: Name one domestic problem facing this Country — and there are many — that Bush has taken responsibility for. (
(Notice I didn’t put a question mark there. That’s because there are no examples to find, don’t bother. I tried.).
Oh, FYI, looks like the deficit is even higher than I said. It’s $789 billion. If you hang around for an hour or so maybe we can make it a trill.
4. Fanboy is Now a Word
We’re getting dumer bi the minit. Lik.