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I started a new blog, just in case there’s a human alive still checking this site. Old Man Words. Your guide to the nonsense that old people say.
In addition to not updating this blog at all I been busy reading Vanity Fair. I ran across this picture of Paul Newman wearing this jacket. I decided I needed this jacket. But I have no clue what it’s called or where I’d find such a thing. If you know, please leave a comment would you? Sucker is fly.
I have a snoopy friend who is trying to find this website. To ensure that she knows she’s here when she arrives I’ve decided to post a YouTube clip of an old favorite of mine: Diana Ross. (Apropos, really). Singing the love theme from the horrific movie Mahogany. This clip confirms two things:
a. You Found Me.
b. I Like Shitty Music.
I’m in a goddamn bad mood today — don’t ask — and not interested in coddling your little “I’m bored” motherfuckin asses. That’s why I’m running some shit to mirror my mood. Check it out assholes, it’s time for
The Daily Punk
(July 29, 2008 Edition)
1. Fucking Belding
Goddamn Belding. Bad enough he assisted in A.C. Slater’s plan to bone the entire population of hotties in Los Angeles, now he’s apparently decided to finish off the rest. Leave some ladies for the mortals Belding, you son of a bitch.
2. Senator Stevens Indicted
Naturally. Even more naturally, Fox News labels him a — wait for it — Democrat. ARGHGGHG.
Nice editorial standards, he’s only the longest tenured Senator, that’s all.
3. Can We Stop Calling Crap Like This “Creative Accounting”?
Yesterday, the White House said the deficit will balloon to $490 billion next year. Oops, turns out that number was wrong. The Bush Administration “bean counters” “fergot” to turn in a couple a receipts. Lessee here, looks like we got a bill from the unemployment office. What’s this, an invoice from Medicare? Shoot! Oh and maybe we should have totaled in the cost of the War.
The worst part about this is the euphemism employed by ABCNews. They call it “creative accounting.” Creative accounting is when your Uncle manages to deduct the cost of his Playboy subscription as a “motivational business expense.” Leaving out $110 billion of expenses isn’t creative accounting, it’s:
a. A Lie. Or
b. “Shitty Accounting.”
Of course shitty accounting is par for the course from this Presidency.
The Sultan of the Party of Personal Responsibility — ever indignant — blames the Democrats. Yup, they did it! Which is asinine since the Democrats have only been in control of Congress for about 14 months. They work quick, them liberals do. The Democrats weren’t the ones who cut taxes of course. Heck no! Democrats love taxes. And, of course, the GOP is the one who started this six year War. Them pussies? Course not! And, small government or not, Bush is responsible for increasing the bulk of the bureaucracy. Snooping don’t happen on its own ya’ dummy. But, you know, it’s the Democrats fault. Yup.
Question for the laity: Name one domestic problem facing this Country — and there are many — that Bush has taken responsibility for. (
(Notice I didn’t put a question mark there. That’s because there are no examples to find, don’t bother. I tried.).
Oh, FYI, looks like the deficit is even higher than I said. It’s $789 billion. If you hang around for an hour or so maybe we can make it a trill.
4. Fanboy is Now a Word
We’re getting dumer bi the minit. Lik.
You heard the story of Arnel Pineda? He was a homeless kid in the Phillipines when the newly reformed power-ballad band Journey “found” him on YouTube (check out the video they watched here). Flat out, the dude could sing him some Journey. So they traveled overseas and plucked him out of the Pilipine slums like some latter day Oliver Twist. He didn’t say “jolly good” or anything like that though, he was like “why you tease me? You no Journey. Where guy with big hair?”
Point is the guy can sing. He isn’t just as good as Steve Perry (the “big hair” original singer who for whatever reason believes he is better off sitting on his ass rather than out making millions touring with Journey), he’s better. Here’s a little comparison using my favorite Journey song “Stone in Love” as the proving grounds.
Steve Perry Version
Arnel Pineda Version
Granted, Perry prevails in the awesomely rad hair and rockin’ animal tee elements but, for every other category, I’m going Pineda baby).
The absurd Internet-oddity of the day is Star Wars Dance Off. If you think you know what this is going to be and don’t feel the need to watch HOW WRING YOU ARE!!! The first act alone is worth the price of admission: it features an amazing rendition of Footloose danced by Chewbacca and a Jawa.
It’s been 20 some-odd years since I stuck Han, Greedo, Chewie and all my Star Wars toys in a box and formally ended my days of playing with “action figures.” I never looked back motherfuckers, I was done. At least I thought I was done. Then along came a toy that rekindled my long cooled desire to give a figure some action. That toy?
Why the Cindy McCain Trophy Wife Doll of course!
Hot. Busty. Plastic. Vapid. It’s like the real Cindy McCain only with a lower credit card limit.
Optional prescription drug addiction sold separately.
The blogosphere is — once again — up in arms over FoxNews’ racial insensitivity. In case you missed it, while FoxNews’ Megan Kelly was discussing Michelle Obama, they ran a graphic stating: “Outraged Liberals: Upset with Attacks on Obama’s Baby Mama.”*
Liberals and everyone with half a brain in their head is calling it racist. I, however, think this is too harsh. I say we give Fox the benefit of the doubt. I think they’re just trying to appeal to the younger generation; to be more “hip” and “with it.”** Using the lingo. And, in line with their new edgy, hipster ‘tude, here are a few more headlines we can expect to see:
The Conservative blogs are defending Fox’ characterizations because Michelle Obama evidently called Barack her “Baby Daddy” four years ago. Thus, Fox can call her that too. In light thereof, we went ahead and made one more little graphic. Hey, if John McCain can call his wife this, Fox can too right?
*FYI: Here’s the definition of a Baby Mama from Urban Dictionary. It’s tame, if anything…
A term used to define an unmarried young woman (but can be a woman of any age) who has had a child. As mentioned before in another definition, most of the time it is used for when it was simply a sexual relationship, compared to ex-wife or girlfriend. Usually this has a negative connotation, a lot of baby mamas are seen as desperate, gold digging, emotionally starved, shady women who had a baby out of spite or to keep a man. Sometimes they may act like this because of missed child support payments, unfulfilled promises by the father, or convenient sex by the father. Either or both may exist in any situation.
**Technically speaking anyone who uses the word “hip” is — by definition — not. Not what, you ask? Hip. It’s circular, I know but — trust me — also true.
(Courtesy of our other home — ImperfectUnion.com!