So it seems a couple of foos got together and decided to combine two of their greatest loves into one completely offensive morass. They started with the Bible: the most chaste, moral, and sexually repressive creations ever known. Into that stickiness they plunged a little Manga; preferred “artwork” of gargantuan-boob-loving pedophiles and subway deviants.
What emerged was the most absurdly satisfying Peanut Butter Cup on the Planet…
Let’s start with the main character: Jesus. Think that’s Him sporting the rad suspenders and sleeveless tee? Think again sexist pig. Jesus is the hot blond in back! The dude in the front is some sort of fisherman. They haven’t revealed who he’s “supposed” to be yet but I’m thinking maybe the apostle Paul. Then again he’s kinda kooky looking so maybe he’s Judas. That seems about right. He’s like “Sorry Jesus, I sold ya’ out for a couple-a C-Notes babe!” And Jesus is all [Whimper, Sniffle] “Roh-no!”).
But the sacrilege doesn’t end there my friends. In addition to being a lady, Jesus is also hot. I don’t know how to say this delicately but…check out Jesus’ cleavage.
Now I’m not saying Chick Jesus shouldn’t have a nice rack (Jesus was the best at everything of course so, naturally, Lady Jesus should have nice boobs). But don’t you think Hottie Jesus would at least cover em up a bit? And don’t try to tell me Honey Jesus didn’t have anything else to wear; if she’s really Jesus she could have turned an old tablecloth into a cardigan or something right? Or, at the very least, buttoned those last two buttons.
Let’s be honest here; I’ve never known Jesus not to cover up. Take a look at this image of Jesus playing soccer. Even though the kids are wearing the comfy soccer shorts and what not, Jesus is still sporting that scratchy robe he seemed to love.
Naturally this image begs the question: what kinda soccer player would Jesus be? Clearly he’d be better than these crappy little kids but — seeing as how he was so giving and all — he’d probably tone the skeelz down a touch; let the kids get a score or two. Jesus was certainly not a loser though so I figure he’d probably score a header in the final minutes to at least give his team a tie.
Whatever the final score, the soccer image does answer one question: would Jesus be in shape? The Bible doesn’t say much about Jesus’ workout routine but I figure with all the wandering and what not you have to figure he was toned. How then, to explain this?
Those legs are just kinda flabby and what’s with the flat ass? C’mon Jesus, pull it together!
So here are the links. Download at your own risk.