I went to see Chelsea Handler’s stand up show on Friday night (at the lovely Pantages Theater in unlovely Tacoma, Washington). I know what you’re thinking — “chicks aren’t funny, you’re a pussy” — so here’s where I either justify my transgression or hand in my balls.
First, funny or unfunny, she’s hot as hell. Although she didn’t exactly dress up for the performance she still looked pretty good. Here are some pictures in case you don’t know who she is.
Second, she’s filthy. As the opening act said, Chelsea is the the “Martin Luther King, Jr. of Blonde Sluts,” and I think she’s right. (Either that or the packed house of twenty-something skanks were collectively dumb enough to think single men started liking female comedians, which is highly unlikely). From the audience reaction, it’s pretty clear most everyone had read her first book, My Horizontal Life. I finished the book in one day not just because it’s easy, but because she’s easy. (Ooo, that was pretty bad wasn’t it?) The entire book is nothing more than stories about her sleeping with dudes. It is … hilarious. Here’s my favorite excerpt:
Third, Just last week she put out her second book, “Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea.” The title alone is so goddamn awesome I have to buy it. Amazingly it’s selling like crazy; for about a week it actually hit number one on the New York Times Best Seller List.
(Side note: it was passed by Ron Paul’s book which I don’t know the name of — “GoofBallLution,” maybe? — which is a pretty sad commentary on our society. I mean, hey, it’s one thing for the number one book to be a screed about drinking but to cede the title to the modern day Lyndon Larouche? People are nuts. Frankly though either of those beats those crappy Left Behind books or “The Secret 2: Keep On Waiting” or whatever the hell else has been selling but, all told, it bode well for the literary future of this Country. Whatever.)
Anyway, there isn’t much point here other than to say Chelsea rocks. None of the clips on YouTube do her any justice frankly. She’s pretty good in this clip on Letterman so check it out: