The Daily Punk
March 25, 2008
(Seven Item Mad As Hell And I’m Not Gonna Take It Anymore Edition)
1. Hillary Is “Experienced” All Right: At Lying
We’ve seen her resume and checked her references. She made the short list and we’ve brought her in for some follow up questions; the second round. It’s an arduous process, yes, but it’s also a tough job. This is the President of these United States, for crying out loud, and it’s important we know how she’ll perform. And so the questions are asked and the answers are given. She was doing okay, for a while, but the applicant has given an answer that doesn’t make sense. We took it at face value but did a little research. Turns out she wasn’t telling the truth. Turns out she was exaggerating her qualifications. Turns out she doesn’t have the experience she claims. But we’ve learned a lot from that question. We’ve learned she doesn’t deserve the job.
First, let’s take her response at face value and ignore the lie. It’s a terrible answer. When the only example of experience you can cite to is a government paid junket chilling with Sinbad and Cheryl Crow, you are not qualified to be President. (Frankly that set list is so “B” I wouldn’t give her a job as club promoter). Even if the sniper incident were true it has no bearing on her “Experience.” (Would she have been less experienced if snipers didn’t shoot at her?) And yet this is what she points to; a meaningless answer.But even “bad answers” have meaning. In the job interview they ask you about your experience but this isn’t what they care about; what they want to know is “how are you going to perform?” Questioning the past is merely a proxy to how you might do in the future. Your “experience” is listed on your resume; the point of the Q&A is to size you up, to gauge you as an employee. And in her answer Hillary’s qualities have been lain bare:
She’s a liar.
Hillary’s gut response is to lie. And enough with the Bush-esque double speak: this was not “misrecollection,” this was a bald faced lie. Her statement wasn’t spur of the moment, it was written in a speech prepared by her staff. Lame answers can be excused, lies cannot. I, for one, have had enough of lies fed me by my Government. The act of the lie itself renders her unfit for office.
And please Hillary supporters, stop with the justifications. She’s applying for the job, our job, the highest position in our department, President. There is not an employer in the world who would keep or consider her if she was caught telling a lie like this. Don’t tell me this is how politics is and it means she’s tough. Take the toughest professions in the world — stock broker, mercenary, sniper, whatever — not one of them would consider “lying” as an integral component of that position. “Lying” is never a positive job qualification.
As our prospective employee we should expect the whole package. Ability, knowledge, strength, and character. Hillary doesn’t have it.
2. Sean Hannity and Personal Responsibility
Here’s an old quote from Fox’ Number One Racist, any wonder why this logic shouldn’t apply to Barack Obama?
You know, no other person is responsible for what a person says except that person. And so, if they have a problem with what Ann Coulter says, blame Ann Coulter. You can’t blame somebody else for what she said.
Sean Hannity, responding to Ann Coulter’s public use of the term “faggot” at CPAC’s conference last year.
3. Hollywood Takes Typical Lame Pussy Route, Fucks Up Fanboys
Fanboys is a story that takes place in 1998 about a kid who can’t wait to see Episode I. He literally “can’t wait,” he’s dying of cancer. So his friends pack up and head to the Skywalker Ranch to see if they can’t get a sneak peek at one of the worst movies ever made: The Phantom Menace. (Note to cancer kids; make “fucking whores” your life goal, not seeing lame movies with bad dialogue).
Anyway, turns out that Harvey Weinstein has demanded a story rewrite. He wants the cancer kid out. It’s bringing him down, making him all sad and what not. “Nobody likes a sickly invalid,” he said (I paraphrased that). Here’s what happened:
Fanboys was shot with the cancer story intact and screened at a convention in near-finished form. But a new version was recently screened for test audiences in which there is no mention of cancer — the impetus for the cross-country journey is now merely an impatience to see the film and a chance for the friends to bond.
Why the changes? The studio was skittish about a comedy that centers on a terminally ill person. It’s hard to get audiences to laugh after a mention of cancer.
Yo Harvey, nobody likes sausage fingered monomaniacal assholes either but that hasn’t seemed to hurt you. Find the balls under your gunt and give the story some cred.
4. World Comes to End: Bush Takes Side of Inmate Sentenced to Death, Supreme Court Rules Against White House
Bush took up the cause of a man sentenced to death against his home State of Texas, and was overruled by the Supreme Court. Apparently Texas violated some treaty or some damn thing but this is still remarkable.
5. Breast Implant Surgery Kills High School Girl
Another young girl — Stephanie Kuleba — dies in the course of receiving needless surgery to make her feel “pretty.” This is a true tragedy, in the real sense of the word. Just because they can fix it don’t mean it’s broke. The only thing these parents are financing is the destruction of their children’s egos. This isn’t an attack on this girl’s parents, I have no idea what compelled their decision. But this happens all the time and the majority of these surgeries are literally physically and emotionally harmful.
Let’s get some perspective here. I can’t see her chest, I don’t need to. Take a look and tell me why it is that she needs “enhancement.”
Parents would be better off screwing a saddle on her back, at least that’d take some of the pressure off her spine when she’s got a fourth linebacker in her.
6. More Hillary Lies
Guess what, Hillary is lying about NAFTA too.
Clinton has campaigned this year as a critic of the North American Free Trade Agreement.
Despite the fact that the deal was promoted and passed during the Bill Clinton presidency, and despite her own long record of praising NAFTA’s “benefits,” Clinton has been claiming on the current campaign trail that, “I have been a critic of NAFTA from the very beginning.”
In truth, she was an advocate for NAFTA within the Bill Clinton White House. White House records released last week confirm that Hillary Clinton spoke on behalf of NAFTA and participated in strategy sessions organized to figure out how to gain congressional approval of an agreement that was opposed by labor, farm, environmental and human-rights groups.
This isn’t about whether you are for or against NAFTA. It’s time to be for or against principles. Obama has em, Hillary doesn’t.
7. Old School Bloggin’ Bout Jesus
As of tomorrow I no longer have my old domain, blog.dickard.net. It’s going down today because I don’t feel like updating two blogs and can’t stand GoDaddy’s “Quick Blog” proprietary software. In the words of James Carville “It isn’t very good.” Anyway in honor of that amazing blog I wanted to re-publish my first posting. Here’s the background:
Things were going in awry in Israel and a few religious personages — including Jerry Falwell — had come out and stated their belief that this meant Christ was coming back. I was torn…support Jesus and maybe buy myself a little Christ Cred? Or go with the odds and the easy ciz-nash? Sure I was risking the eternal hellfire but what’s that versus the two blog subscribers I nabbed? I took a look at my cheat sheet:
- Team Jesus Isn’t Coming Back This Year: 2007 Points
- Team Jesus Just Saddled Up His Pony, You’re In Big Trouble: 0 Points.
The odds seemed promising so I went for it. Turns out I was totally right. It wasn’t even close. Jesus like totally did not come back from Heaven. “Whammo, second encore!” says Nelson. “I love it when a plan comes together!” George Peppard cooly exclaims. [Insert footage of me doing the “Cabbage Patch” here].
Anyway here’s the post. Sorry it’s a little tough to read.