The Daily Punk

March 18, 2008

(Ten Things I Like But Took All Day To Get Around to Commenting On Because I Was Hung Over As Well As Preoccupied With The Obama Speech)

1.  Beatles, Beatles, Beatles

Sometimes common storylines just keep popping up.  And so it is right now with Beatles. A few weeks ago I met someone who is positively obsessed with the Beatles.  It seemed a little strange but whatever.  Since then, however, it’s like goddamn Beatle-mania has sprung forth from the grave.  From theirs being the featured songs on American Idol to Paul McCartney’s $49 million divorce settlement to today’s news that John Lennon almost divorced Yoko during his “lost weekend” with May Pang, it’s just getting weird around here.

FYI, I love the song the Long and Winding Road but, to be frank, that Archuletta kid flat out fucked it up.  Don’t listen the screaming girlies, he sucked.  Just to prove it I decided to pull the YouTube clip and post it here.

BTW:  Can someone tell me when the Beatles signed a black dude?  I have been listening to FoxNews so have to assume he got the job on account of affirmative action.  Hillary says she was the better player but you know how it is with the black folk, always having everything handed to them.

BTW Part 2:  That girl — Brooke — who just sang “Here Comes the Sun” freaking sucked.  That sounded like an ad for Carnival Cruise Lines.

2.  Ashley Gone Wild

Turns out Ashley Dupre (you know who I’m talking about), was featured in an old Girls Gone Wild video, when she was 18.  Does anyone think Spitzer might be reconsidering that whole “I don’t like condoms” thing?

3. Priscilla Presley

I don’t know what happened to poor Priscilla Presley.  From the photo there are two — and only two — conclusions one can reach.  Either she died and her body was pulled out of a swamp or she was attacked by a band of lip augmenting zombie-masters.  Maybe both.

Zombie Priscilla

Remember when people used to “age gracefully?”

4.  Lynndie England Blames “Media” For Her Troubles

If you don’t remember Lynndie England that’s probably for the best.  She was that pudgy little backwoods inbreed who posed all funny-like in front of Abu Ghraib prisoners.  Oh yeah here she is!

Lynndie England

Anyway Lynndie now claims the media is to blame for the International outrage that came from the incident.  Right, the media were the ones who denigrated these guys, took the pictures, and released them to the press.  Sorry Lynndie but I think I know who’s to blame here.  Let’s see if this picture gives us the answer:

Lynndie Blaming Lynndie

5.   50,000 Iraqi Women Forced Into Prostitution

I wonder if Cheney will take credit for this:  As estimated 50,000 women and children who fled Iraq because of the war have now been forced into prostitution in Syria.

6.  48 Blade Jaccard Meat Tenderizer

Need to tenderize some meat?  Stop being a fool with that fucking wooden mallet.  This baby has 48 blades and this guy says it’s essential if you want to marinate meat quickly.  And, yes Timmy, if you want, you can also kill someone with it.

Jaccard Meat Tenderizer