The Daily Punk

April 3, 2008

(Music Is Truly Sucky These Days Edition)

1.  People are Getting Way Too Excited About Velvet Revolver

Velvet Revolver fired Scott Weiland thus paving the way for a Guns & Roses reunion with Axl Rose. Axl says he has 12 more years’ of work left on Chinese Democracy so it sounds like that isn’t going to happen. 

In other words, the door has been opened for…

Whammo! Second encore!

All Astley ever needed was a chance.  No he has it.

2.  What What (In the Butt)?

Speaking of the suck music, the newest viral video is “What What (In the Butt)” by Samwell. This is seriously odd so I advise you to watch only if you must be up on the haps like yours truly.  Here’s some lyrics first.

I will give you what you need
all I want is your big fat seed
give it to me if you please
give it to me if you please

Samwell, the newest none hit wonder.

3.  Rolling Stones “Rockumentary” Shine a Light Opens Tomorrow

I covered this already but never let a chance to hype your own blog pass by. 

4. Old Kids on the Block?

Just when you thought the bad band news envelope couldn’t be pushed any further, along comes something no one has been waiting for: the New Kids are reuniting.  Turns out there was some unexplored saccharine angst yet to be mined.  Frankly, I think they sort of covered everything there is to say in their seminal work, Step by Step…

Step one
We can have lots of fun
Step two
Theres so much we can do
Step three
Its just you and me
Step four
I can give you more
Step five
Dont you know the time has arrived

This is officially motherfuckincrap.  If you are so desperate to listen to music you are thinking about buying the Old Kids’ joint might I recommend my boys’ band, the Lark?  “What do they have going for them?” You ask?  Well let’s see.  They can play instruments.  They can sing.  They write their own songs.  They don’t have the chance to go on the Today Show after George Clooney to hype their bullshit album, etc.

5.  The Who to Reunite Too?!

Forget Groundhog Day, it feels like April Fools’ Day keeps replaying itself.  How else to explain a “Who Reunion” album with them covering old Motown stuff? 

That’s three reunions, one dinosaur and one “what what in the butt” if you’re keeping count.

6.   People in Background Ruining Photos

These almost seem too good to be true. 

What a fricking bastard.

7.  Bush Finds Creative Way to Keep the Torture Going

Not content to abide by those pussy ass laws that won’t let them get their torture on, the Bush Admin has been shuttling pris’ners back ta’ more…”permissive” countries; thus avoiding them-thur pesky do-gooder laws what protect crim’nals.  Bush and pals sure are creative when it comes to avoiding the law aren’t they?  Unfortunately not creative enough since extradicting someone to a place where you know they will be tortured is tantamount to doing it yourself.

No state shall expel, return or exradite a person to another state where there are substantial grounds for believing that he would be in danger of being subjected to torture.

This is a BBC report by the way, not “MyWay” news so it has at least a modicum of credibility behind it.

8.   Turtle Rape

Upon one thing no man can disagree: turtle on turtle rape must no longer be endured.  And, after I finish watching this video for the eighteenth time, I will think about doing something about it. Until then…enjoy!